NoSugar! NoSpice!











{June 15, 2012}   Before I start …

Before I start writing about anything, there is so much reference to context needed. Anyways..

Why is to so difficult to see someone suffering? Why is it that I cant be apathetic towards many people who created a havoc in my beautiful dream-like life. Why does the thought of asking about their well-being, wishing their well-being and doing something to make them feel better dawn upon me every now and then? Why is it that I am so forgiving but not forgetting! Why is that it feels that everyone can live happily together? Why am I mean to my loved ones, harsh to them and expect them to be ideal and at the same time keep a huge margin for others to falter?

Its just not done. Its so uncool!

It seems that love is not forgiving at all.. the more you love a person, the more you constraint him and keep building apprehensions regarding him. For people who are new in your life.. there is always a scope of them being better than the obvious. Also, there is not much of a fear of losing.. we allow them to be less than perfect, they can be infidel, mean or cold towards you but the one you can die for – you suffocate him every day because you just cant let him go. Love infuses selfishness … the need and want to stay in the same socially accepted and applauded relationship makes you go blind. Yes Love is indeed blind.. it blurs your vision. You stop seeing a person as an individual.. you just look at him as an object in your life. May be its like a bird in a cage whom Id feed the best, play with and buy things for .. but only till she doesnt flutter her wings and try to move out. The moment she does, the fear/anxiety/insult of losing her will overpower all rationalities and I will cage her even more strongly.

-contd-

Its amazing how easy it is to lie and convince yourself that it was for the greater good and how killing it is to be lied to. So in both the cases, what eventually prevails is the lie – to self or others! Is life supposed to go like this? Is everyones’ like this. Are there a definite set of unsaid rules and assumptions we are supposed to live by? The rule of accepting a little distance in all relations, the rule of seeing and ignoring, the rule of knowing and not saying, feeling and not expressing, expecting but not dreaming an Utopia.. I guess now I am just rambling.

After all this confusions and dilemmas and fighting with the inner demons – there is one fact which stands tall still. I have the most honest life-partner ever! He is strong enough to admit the imperfections in himself, us and this world on the whole.  Any aberrations in his attitude if any…have been caused by the intense pressure and tension created by me. But he still held his ground.

I wish I had the faith he possesses..actually I had it, I want to regain it. We have been perfect, are so perfect that it became too heavy a burden to carry. I guess a little loosening is all whats needed. I guess we just need to Move It, Move It… Move it, Move it! 🙂

 

 

 

 

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